A blog not for your benefit, but mine.
That feeling of driving and slamming on the brakes seconds before disaster is the thrill that I live with everyday. “Thrill”- a sudden feeling of excitement and adventure, according to a quick google search. Excitement….adventure…. Those aren’t words that most people would describe their near death experiences. But I know this and whoever reads this will quickly learn this, I am not most people. I live every single day with, as my friend Dexter from Netflix would like to say, a dark passenger. Now my dark passenger is NOT like Dexter so don’t go reporting my blog. My dark passenger lives within me. Her name is Anxiety with a few undiagnosed but hopefully soon to be diagnosed mental illnesses.
This isn't a diary. I know better than to spill all my deep dark secrets onto the internet. This is more of a hey here’s what’s going with me, anyone else feel this way? Or am I actually as alone as I feel? Type of thing.
So, multi-brained. Why did I choose this? Well this is exactly how I feel. Muti-brained is a synonym for Dark passenger or whatever mental illness I'm talking about. They’re interchangeable. The common theme between all of these are that they involve someone else. All of these words are associated with some type of dissociation. A feeling that someone else is driving my ship. That I am being controlled by a separate being inside my body.
So again, put yourself in that car. Slam on those brakes. And feel that stomach drop. feel the fear, the thrill. Now hold onto the feeling and walk into a coffee shop. Keep that feeling as you wait in line, as you watch people around you, as you order, as you pay, as you wait. Feeling that near death experience when you’re watching Coco with your friends, or when you’re out a nice dinner. Feeling like you’re seconds from dying and pumping that brake but never slowing down. An endless downward spiral. I wake up with that feeling. I eat all my meals with that feeling and I sleep with that feeling.
Do you ever feel like you have a dark passenger but yet you’re the passenger and the dark is what’s driving?
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